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Writer's pictureTania

Thoughts

Updated: Oct 4

Welcome to a place where I’m not looking to write the right words…

Thoughts without a thought process;

Words I feel

-Feel free- to get lost



————-


I simultaneously hunger after and dread the prospect of forming intimate bonds with strangers.


One of those inscrutable dichotomies of my character…


I guess that’s why I appreciate the exclusivity of intimate bonds.


—————-


Bring Purpose to Words:

(Something I felt when expressing my sadness for the world… and someone tried to silence me)


Ah, impotence - 

Not the best feeling. 

Comes with confusion, frustration, resentment and guilt.

Contrary to impotence: power;

“The potential to influence the behavior of others”... 

Empowered people effect change around them. 

What takes away power?

Among many other things, being silenced. 


At times, silence is a virtue -

We must listen, too. 

We mustn’t ignore, however, that silence says more than words. 


When you hold back words, you lose strength;

You lose clarity. 

You lose others. 


Gagging: to stop up the mouth of (a person) by putting something in it, thus preventing speech, shouts, etc. to restrain by force or authority from freedom of speech; silence.


Why do people want to silence others?

Among other things,

Out of fear

Fear of losing power. 


In a world with extreme opposites

In a world of right and wrong

Where everyone fights to be right

But is doing it wrong

It's hard to negotiate - to find balance. 


When it’s hard to speak up

There’s always art. 

There’s power behind lyrics;

There’s power behind music.

Sharing stories can be powerful 

In the writing of history… 


In a copy-paste society, 

We have forgotten the purpose of words.

Be silent to listen;

Be silent to think. 

Speak with intention 

And pick your words wisely.


-------



The highest state you have ever experienced is simply the result of how open you were. 


You do not owe anybody anything.

But yourself.


...Let it all happen...


"The pleasure of the text is that moment when my body pursues its own ideas—for my body does not have the same ideas as I do." - Roland Barthes 



------


Honesty scares people.


April 6th 2024

It’s a new moon

I feel different 

Good different 

With a certain melancholy 

And the feeling of a choked up tear.

Trying to read between the lines 

Of what my body is telling me 

And what my soul wants me to hear… 


To release  

Is a choice 

It’s a process;

It requires acknowledgment 

And acceptance

Of a a situation

As it is 


---


I’ve noticed a few things recently…. 

Forties are the new thirties. 

Men talk about women

A lot more than what we thought. 

Boys are scared. 

Women are not that scared

Anymore.

We know what we want.

Some dynamics don’t really change - men will like the women that aren’t there,

and viceversa. 

And then we’ll all talk about it with our friends…

And listen to the same heartbreak songs…

Thinking, someday, we won’t. 


---


All these things happen in one moment 

And last forever 


--


In this world of shades of gray, it often becomes confusing which paths to adorn

and which one’s to leave alone. 


---


Gratitude 

Is humbling 

It brings you to the present

Fills you with warmth.


---


My own rendition of Byron's "She Walks In Beauty":



A Birthday Wish 


I do not wish you light without darkness 

Nor peace without a cry.

I wish you not a long life without a thought 

That someday you will die. 


I do not wish you just happiness 

But I hope you feel sad.

Yes I wish you some good 

But also some bad. 


I wish you music , I wish you songs 

But also pure silence 

I wish you can hear your own thoughts 

And come to peace with your sins. 


I wish you confidence and success 

Yet also humility 

I wish you never suppress 

All your creativity.


Yes I wish you much love 

But also some loneliness 

And know that when one door closes

Another one opens.

:-)


-----


Don’t fall in love with me 

If you are not ready to be touched

In places you’d never thought existed. 


Do not fall in love 

If you are not prepared to speak your truth 

And be heard.


Don’t fall in love with me 

If you haven’t fallen deeply in love 

With yourself. 


If what you fear is to feel 

Everything, strongly 

In the most precious or disastrous way

Do not come near me.


Don’t fall in love

If being loved 

By everyone around me 

Is not something you want.


And if you are not ready 

To work with me for what we want,

Just don’t fall in love. 


Though If you do fall in love 

You will acknowledge every day 

The radical possibilities 

Of Love.



---------




Me tomé un momento para desaparecer 

Un momento pareciera infinito.

A veces, ojalá así fuera. 


El regreso es crudo;

Casi cruel.


¿Por qué nada cambia? Me pregunto 

Me respondo - porque no cambias tú.


---------


An ode to nothingness:


I’m nowhere and everywhere 

at the same time.

Everything and nothing is happening.

Im energy-less, yet energized.

I have faith, but I’m detached.

I believe in nothing;

And I believe in everything.

I don’t know where I am

But I know where I want to go. 


It’s hot, yet it’s cold.

I don’t sleep 

But I dream.

It is loud

But it is silent…

Nothing’s wrong. 

What is right?



----


La ausencia absoluta de percepción visual torna insensible al órgano cardíaco.


"En la vida hay que saber cuando irse y cuando venirse " :P


A love we deserve.


En las formas perdiste el fondo…


-

Este cuarto es muy pequeño para las cosas que sueño 

 -




Don’t try to discover who you are, but determine who you want to be.

Life is a process of creation,

not just discovery.



The moment I met you 

I realized 

That anything is possible.


---


Y pasa el tiempo y sigo siendo la misma 

Aunque un poco diferente 

El entorno un tanto ha cambiado 

Pero no tanto mi mente.


Sigo siendo la misma soñadora, luchadora 

La misma niña sonriente.

Sigo pensando en el amor 

Cada día más pendiente.


El amor por mí misma ha cambiado

Ya no lo dejo a un lado.

El rechazo y la búsqueda por lo inexistente 

Va quedando en el pasado. 


Sigo siendo la misma

Pero un poco más paciente.

La misma niña candente 

Un poco más ardiente.


Mi curiosidad aún no ha culminado 

Es como la luna creciente  

Voy aprendiendo de lo inesperado 

Confiando en el tiempo presente. 


Aún hay cosas por vivir

A veces sola, a veces con gente 

Y con el corazón valiente

Y la paz en mi mente 

Seguiré en mi camino 

Pese a lo que diga la gente.


---


A mighty pain to love it is

And ‘tis a pain, that pain to miss

But of all the pains, the greatest pain is 

To love, and love in vain

-Great Grandma


------


Tomar riesgos requiere valor… valor de no obtener lo que esperas. De perder… Pero al final, todo te otorga una ganancia; una oportunidad de crecimiento; un aprendizaje. 


Sin confundir la intuición con el deseo…


Procurar que la verdad no se escape de tu realidad.


Cada cabeza es un mundo diferente.




El querer que no se da, ¿dónde acaba? 


-> People keep randomly smiling at me

it’s unsettling <-


--

Maybe I’m crazy but I’ll find out 

--


Hay tanto por vivir, tanto por ver, más allá de nuestro pequeño círculo del día a día que a veces nos nubla la mirada hacia el exterior y el interior… A veces hay que despejarnos para volver a nuestro centro. 


People expect and depend so much on others -people need to chill the fuck out and start having fun and be happy without depending on anyone else… And let the other people be and do whatever fuck they feel like doing.


<angel sigh>


------


Quererse(r) bonito 

Dios aprieta pero no ahorca 



Todo está en el follow up. 


Use it all

Use it all as fuel 



Todos los días aprendemos;

Sigamos priorizando nuestro bienestar - sea lo que esto sea.

Sigamos trabajando por lo que queremos.

Sigamos nutriendo nuestra fuerza y amando nuestra vulnerabilidad.

Sigamos explorando nuestra sexualidad.

Sigamos cuidándonos y apoyándonos.

Sigamos marchando a nuestro ritmo - sin importar lo que diga la sociedad. 

Sigamos expresando nuestras opiniones.

Sigamos escuchando a los demás.

Sigamos dando amor, ¡que esto bien se nos da!

Y entre muchas otras cosas…

Sigamos dándole pa’lante, y dejar atrás lo que quedó atrás. 


-

¿Algún día dejaremos de perseguir clout y empezaremos a perseguir nuestros más profundos sueños?


Your stupidity is fucking staggering.

-

“Estaba en choco hongos” es mi excusa para todo. 


La batalla permanente de la vida transitoria 



Life is a daily battle. Whoever thinks one lives to be happy is prone to be highly disappointed or live a fake life with desperate laughs.



I’ve thought about “happiness” lately, and what that really means...

Perhaps we need to come to terms about misconceived perceptions of it.

We’ve been brought up with certain ideas, yet, have they truly brought us happiness?

I’ve felt happy when I help someone else,

When I workout and move my body;

When I connect with nature and with myself.

I feel happy when I create;

When I work for something and I achieve it.

I’ve found happiness in dark times, and after feeling sad.

Happiness lies in the little things, and perhaps making those little things a habit, can lift us up in a grander scale, allowing ourselves to feel sad as well. 

Why try to be happy all the time? 

Perhaps whoever tries too much to be happy all the time, will run the risk of living a fake life with desperate laughs.

A healthy balance, with habits that feel good, connecting and helping others, obliterating expectations and embracing the present, should overall help us...

Can’t forget your hedonistic pleasures and, over everything, try to be grateful.

As annoying as it sounds... we are here, might as well enjoy the ride. 


---


The wounds that never heal can only be mourned alone. 



When I gave up, the exterior gave in.


Haiku:

Found myself in bed.

Is it day or is it night? 

Something don’t feel right.


I love you but I’ve chosen darkness.




-

Dazed in a daydream

Rolled my eyes so hard 

I saw my brain. 

Biting lips 

So I don’t scream.

Gone so far 

I see a light beam. 


It’s quiet here

Or so it seems...

We’re all caught up 

In our low self esteem.

-


I'm not confused. I'm just well mixed.


-


El Sol se llevó desvelos nocturnos 

Y muecas cansadas.

Entra la luz por las grietas de la ventana;

El espejo reconoce mi rostro, nuevamente. 


En las altas horas de la noche

Los pájaros cantan confundidos, 

Y se dejan llevar 

Por el aleteo de lo indescifrable...


Entre risas y cantos

Y los sonidos de los bajos 

Sus plumas extraen de lo hondo  

Lo más profundo del deseo.


Pájaros inarmónicos

¿Dónde está la melodía? 

¿En qué esquina de este redondo mundo  

Se encuentra lo impensable? 


"Hay un cierto placer en la locura, que sólo el loco conoce..."



El amor regaña

El amor acompaña 

El amor asusta 

-

I want to appreciate you without judging;

Join you without invading;

Invite you without demanding.


Don’t fall in love with me 

If you are not ready to be touched

In parks, museums, monuments

And every beautiful place.


Do not fall in love 

If you are scared of being destroyed 

In the most precious way


If what you fear is me leaving 

And not being able to go back to places 

Without tasting my blood,

Do not fall in love.


If you do fall in love

You will understand every day 

Why storms are named after people.


Manage your expectations.

-

Quiet despair

An elegant anger 

That shall be defeated with finessing the moment. The present.

We are here today, aren’t we? 

It’s a gift, in the end...


-

A work of art is good if it arises from necessity. From need.

Art should be about confrontation. It should shock and scare you. 

Freak out. 

A soul in need needs a way to express itself.

When there’s so much going on inside you, society expects us to be silent. 












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2 Comments


Dra. Gloria
Dra. Gloria
May 16

Highlights of HOPE!!!! Thank you sooó much for giving voice to the human soul

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Tania
Tania
May 16
Replying to

Hahaha

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